Even If You Tried
by the.nerd.voice
Summary: Alternate to the End of Time. The Doctor tells Sarah Jane exactly what he really feels for her because he doesn't want some other man with his memories and a different face doing so. He may have loved Rose, but she was never his true love. Small appearance of Luke Smith as well. (Prompt from beautifulearthrain on Tumblr.)


Luke Smith briskly pounds the pavement as he argues into the phone with his best friend Clyde. Unaware of his surroundings. Crowded in Ealing, unusually crowded. He sweeps his hair to the side, out of his eyes. Too crowded. Suddenly, he can feel arms wrapped around his upper torso as he drops his mobile phone, hearing it crunch under the tire of the automobile he was nearly run over by.

"Are you alright?" A voice. Male, concerned, "Luke Smith, are you okay?" The voice asks once more, calling him by name.

The young man looks up, meeting the hardened brown eyes of a Time Lord he's become far too familiar with. Not only with the photographs displayed in the attic of his Bannerman Road home, but by helping him during the Dalek invasion. "You...you're..."

"I asked you a question." The Doctor places his hand on the side of the young man's face, running it through his shaggy hair.

Luke absently nods, backing away from him. His instincts tell him to alert the one person he knows will care most about it. Not caring that he was actually leaving the man he wanted to alert her about. The tapping of his shoes increase as he takes off in a sprint toward the large house.

"Sarah Jane, large concentration of artron energy has been detected on Bannerman Road." Mister Smith's voice booms through the small attic.

However, she could hear the familiar sound before his alert. Racing outside, she nearly collides with her son in the driveway, "I hear it." She moves past him, then turns to look at his face after a moment of looking at the open street, realizing the young man's pallor, "What happened?"

"I...He saved me. The Doctor...I nearly died and he saved me." Luke's voice is hushed, his body trembling ever so slightly as a bead of sweat that had formed at his brow finally falls, "He saved my life."

"That makes two of us." Sarah Jane nods, moving close to him and placing a gentle kiss on his sweat soaked brow, "Go inside and put on the kettle for tea? I'll be there in just a moment." When his face softens, she watches as he trudges into the house before turning to look toward the street once more. She can feel something in her chest. Something letting her know he is close.

The sound. Once more. The whirling to which she's become so accustomed. The sound of hope. The sound of adventure. The sound of love. The blue box materializes not too far from her, but far enough. Something isn't right. She can feel it. The door slowly opens as the version of the Time Lord she has become acquainted with again, steps into the doorway. Something is very wrong.

The Doctor stares at her figure for a few moments. Never having the chance to tell her how he really feels about their reuniting those years ago, then recently to take on the Daleks once more. He tilts his head to the side, as if to signal her closer, into the TARDIS. He would race to her. He would take her into his arms, but he hasn't the energy.

Sarah Jane is able to see the pain in his eyes, even without her glasses. She swallows, quickly glancing toward the house before doing as requested of her. Not too far, but it feels as if she's walking forever.

No words. No words are needed. Not yet, at least. He wraps his arms around her tightly, "My Sarah Jane." He replies weakly.

"Oh, Doctor." Her voice quiet, concerned. "You don't look so hot."

"Nah." He says in that voice that just causes her to smile ever so slightly, regardless of the severity of the situation. "I'm just close to regenerating is all."

"Again? What happened?" Sarah Jane touches his cheek as she pulls away slightly, stroking the bone gently with her thumb, "Oh, Doctor, please...tell me what happened?" She looks him in the eye, searching for something, anything.

The Doctor shakes his head. "Far too long a story, but sometimes, Sarah, things just run their course...sometimes things must end. You know that better than anyone."

"No thanks to you." She smiles sadly, "You shouldn't be alone when you regenerate...you tend to lose all sense of yourself..."

"Each time I regenerate, it's become more and more destructive. I can't risk that with you. I care for you far too much to risk your life just so that I can start mine over." He pulls her closely again, "Besides, you have those children to take care of."

"I've only the one...unless you're counting Clyde and Maria in-"

"Yep, yes, that's it. That's exactly what I was doing."

"You do know that I know when you're lying, don't you?" Sarah Jane raises an eyebrow.

"Always have." The Doctor beams, "You're my last stop...save the best for last." He doesn't want to let her go. Never wants to let her go. "There's always been something I've wanted to tell you, but I've never had the chance of doing so...even after all those snogging session we've-"

"Doctor, you and I have never kissed." The woman interrupts him, closing her eyes as she listens to the steady rhythm of his heartbeats with her head against his chest.

"What? There must have been...why I remember it being one of the greatest things in the universe."

"Just your imagination." Sarah Jane shakes her head a little, "You used that quite often when we traveled together. Still do from what I've seen from you."

"Yes..." He looks down at her, "Seeing you at that school with the Krillitanes...it all came back. All of those feelings...the laughter, the care, the...the love I have always had for you." The Doctor swallows. "I've never been able to actually say that to anyone, you know. With exception to the wife...the life I had on Gallifrey."

"You never talk about this." She tilts her head back again, looking him in the eye once more. She knows this is his swan song now. She knows for sure. "Doctor, what can I do to help you?"

He shakes his head slowly, leaning in suddenly and kissing her tender. Needing her for everything she's worth, the eagerness of his tongue against hers proving such.

Sarah Jane stands there a moment when he pulls away. Stunned and trembling slightly. She wasn't expecting that, she also isn't complaining. She stares in front of her at nothing in particular, just all the memories returning once more. Not that they ever went away, but she's done her hardest to push them to the back of her mind. The separation hurting too much.

"Sarah-"

"Yes, Sorry." She picks her head up, "I..."

"Yes?" The Doctor tilts his head to the side, his eyes looking her over, admiring her. He grins broadly, "Sarah, breathe."

"I am, I just...I've been waiting a long time for that." Sarah Jane blushes.

"Aw...surely there's been other-"

"Yes, Doctor, of course, but...none of them were you." She shakes her head slowly, "I know you're still...set to regenerate soon enough, but...would you like a cuppa before you do? I'm sure Luke would love seeing you again."

Picking his hand up, he notices the slight glow to the fingertips. "Afraid I can't at the moment. May I hold you to it?" The Doctor motions to the door for her to leave once more, "I'll need a nice cup of tea when I come back."

"Of course." Sarah Jane can feel the tears in her eyes once more as she looks to him, noticing the increasing glow of his skin and his moving toward the controls of the TARDIS center console. She turns slowly.

"A tear, Sarah Jane?"

She turns quickly, a smirk playing at her lips as she picks her hand up to wipe her eye, remember the familiar words from over thirty years ago. "You'll come back to me this time...right, Doctor?"

"Can't keep me away even if you tried. I'll be back." The Doctor races to her, planting a kiss against her lips once more, "I swear it to you, I will be back."

Sarah Jane picks her hand up, stroking his cheek once more. She leans herself up onto her toes, pecking against his lips once more with her own, "I'll be waiting." She finally leaves, hearing the doors lock behind her and the sound begin, the whirling sound the machine has always made ever since she boarded the first time. Even before that. She knows that sound means hope. To her, however, that sound almost means love...and it always will.


End file.
